One of the lessons that being single has taught me is the importance of self-love. When you go a while without being romantically involved with someone, you have no choice but to focus on yourself and on how you can grow while you wait for the right person to come along.
I did a lot of reflecting, especially during the times when I felt the loneliest. While initially this happened because my thoughts were mainly, “what’s wrong with me?” and “why isn’t anyone that I like approaching me?”, I soon came to look within because I wanted to be better for myself, and also so that I could have a lot to bring to the table when the right time came.
Most times I imagined sitting across from someone on a date, I imagined I had a lot to talk about and I knew that the only way that would happen would be if I did some serious self-work. So, I started doing the things that I loved, like blogging, working and focusing on my studies. I started tending to my mind by reading more and watching more content that resonated with the path I was on (for better conversation on this imaginary date), and I started taking pride in how I looked because I knew that if I was confident with how I looked on the outside, it would show and attract men who could sense it. I began to understand that I had to be my best in order to set the standard and, knowing what I was worth (based on all the work I put towards loving and growing myself) would set the tone for any relationship I’d find myself in because the truth of the matter is, if you don’t love yourself to the max first, you are most likely going to settle for a mediocre kind of love and no queen wants the bare minimum, if we’re being honest.
Self-love is comparable to a foundation. Think of your dream house and imagine yourself looking at the floor plan and 3D design of this house. My dream house has a roundabout feature in the front (it might be a simple bush, a statue or a water fountain. I haven’t decided yet but it looks amazing in my head). My dream house has vines growing on the front, pillars at the front door to support the high roof, double doors at the entrance and a foyer that’s open and full of natural lighting. My dream house has a duplex apartment in the back yard for my loved ones when they visit, it’s got a beautiful pool and hot tub feature, lots of greenery for my children to play on, a beautiful patio for entertainment… to cut it short before I get carried away, my dream house is a modern Mediterranean type of house. Now imagine that you are granted the opportunity to have this house built for you and your loved ones to enjoy forever and ever on the condition that, when it’s built, you’ll take care of it by keeping it clean and tidy and maintaining its décor that you’re already crazy about. Because you’ve set the foundation— you designed this house yourself— you know what to expect and you trust the construction workers to build your exact vision, right? I’ve said I’m worthy of a modern Mediterranean house so why would I settle for anything less when I’ve been granted the chance to have exactly what I want?
Self-love is the foundation you set for your dream relationship. Ultimately, when you start loving and treating yourself, you’re setting the standard for any man/ woman you’re yet to allow into your life. If you are the type of person to treat yourself to flowers and a solo date night every once in a while, how likely are you to want to be with someone who wouldn’t treat you the same way? If you take pride in your appearance, how likely are you to want to be with someone who doesn’t take pride in theirs or at least acknowledge on a regular basis that you’re gorgeous and deserve only the best that the world has to offer? If you love growing your mind by treating yourself to intellectual material, you’re very likely to want to be with someone who either thinks like you do or (respectively and constructively) challenges your way of thinking to grow you and expand your knowledge. You get my point; how you treat yourself is how you set the tone so self-love, as much as many people think is boring, is very important, not only for you but for your romantic (and social) relationships too. This also counts for your flaws. You have to embrace and adore everything about yourself in order to attract unconditional love because it is very hard to break someone who already knows that they aren’t perfect but are unconditionally in love with themselves regardless.
Love yourself this Valentine’s Day if you find yourself having to be by yourself (again). Cook yourself some dinner, set the table and appreciate yourself for being the amazing person that you’ve become. Maybe you have something to be proud of yourself for— maybe you just got out of a draining relationship or survived an abusive one, maybe you’re simply proud of yourself for not falling into the pressures of settling for love because you know exactly what you deserve… maybe you’ve just been an amazing parent, sibling, child or friend to someone and that’s worth a glass of wine. You can round up your single friends too and celebrate love with them! Watch some romantic movies to put yourself in the frequency of love and tell your loved ones how you feel about them. Trust me, when the time is right, all the tears you once shed and the love you once so fiercely gave to the wrong person… it’ll all pay off because you deserve it.
Love yourself (fiercely) every day.
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